Fine linen: 3 years of fostering & some big news

  This April marks 3 years since Darin and I first began fostering! Throughout the last 3 years we have had ten children in our home along with our son Winston. This is a reflection on these last 3 years for our friends and family, and an update on where FLM is
​heading. There is some major                                                                                  news in this blog so please read! 

January 2013:

• We found out we were pregnant!

April 2013:

• C and J moved in with us. Two girls 8 and 9 years old.

September 2013:

• I broke my foot at 8 months pregnant. J was placed in another home due to aggressive behaviors that we were not trained or willing to have in our home with a baby on the way. This was heartbreaking for us. We struggled with a lot of guilt when deciding to have her moved, but looking back I can see it was the right decision.

October 2013:

• Winston was born!

May 2014:

• C went home to her Dad. We had her with us for one year and it was very hard to see her leave! She had extreme ADHD and was very strong-willed, but our love for her grew BECAUSE of the very things that drove us crazy. She was a ray of sunshine to us. 
• D & J moved in the week after C went home. A 14 month old girl, a 3 year old boy who couldn't talk, and Winston was 7 months old. 

September 2014:

• I began the website www.finelinenministries.com which is now www.finelinen.org as an outlet and way to encourage other foster families through blogging. 

October 2014:

• Winston turned 1.
• D and J went home to Mom and Dad. 
• 18 months after starting foster care, we finally became officially licensed foster parents and no longer "kinship" licensed. Right around this time I was feeling very done with doing foster care and struggling with burn out. However, we had two amazing trainers in our STARS training: Amy Guyett and Kim Swaney from Midwest Foster Care and Adoption. After the training we decided not to give up on foster care altogether but to take a break. 

January 2015:

• J and J, our 8 year old twin boys moved in with us. They were by far the easiest, most good-natured kids we'd had in our home up to this point! 

February 2015:

• With the encouragement of my husband Darin, I began the process of tackling a life-long dream of recording a CD of songs I'd written at Chapman Recording Studio in K.C. with sound engineer Rob Rebeck. 

June 2015: 

• Recording was finished after 4 months!

July 2015:

•  H and H (a 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy moved in with us). 

August 2015:

• D and E (the twin's older brothers ages 10 & 12) moved in with us. This made 7 kids including Winston.
• We bought a 12 passenger van.
• The CDS were pressed and printed!
• My Grandpa Smith went to be with Jesus.
• Milan Amphitheatre Concert

September 2015:

• Stayton, Oregon Concert at Stayton Christian Church
• Becky turned 28!

October 2015:

• Winston turned 2!
• His foster brother H turned 3!

November 2015:

• Timberlake Christian Church Concert
• Darin began coaching the 2nd year of Sullivan County Wrestling Club.

December 2015:

• ICAN Foundation Concert in Moberly, MO
• Our twin boys turned 9!

January 2016:

• J & J's one year anniversary of living with us.
• Our foster daughter H turned 5!
• Taught a class on "Joy" at Snow Days with Michelle Dickson for Central Christian College of the Bible. 

Near the end of January, I began to feel very physically and emotionally exhausted trying to keep up with everything. We began to realize that all of our 6 foster children were going to be a longer term placement or potentially adoption. I was feeling like a failure because keeping up with 7 kids, housework, the church ministry, wrestling, counseling appts, doctor appts, court dates, monthly foster care meetings and case worker visits, and the ministry of Fine Linen made it hard to stay up on things.

While few people may have realized, I was a wreck at home and felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Most of this was because of the pressure I was placing on myself, not the pressure from anyone else. I was sobbing nightly and struggling with exhaustion. The hardest part for me to come to terms with was why other people could handle having several foster children and not me? I am a stay-at-home mom and I have Jesus... so why did I feel like I was failing? Yes, my pride was in the way of seeing clearly. Darin and I realized we had bit off more than we could chew for a long term period. I asked a couple from our church who had bonded with our youngest two foster children if they would be interested in fostering them, and they were! The kids were actually asking us if they could live with them, which also hurt my pride and feelings, but showed me God's hand was at work in this whole situation and not my own. I believe it was His Providence.

***March 2016: (The BIG News)***
Our 4 boys' case goal was changed to TPR (termination of parental rights) and Adoption. This is a big one, and I want to explain so that all of our family and friends can better understand the situation. When a case goal is changed from reunification to adoption it does not mean that it's a for sure thing. It has a dual purpose: 1.) To work towards permanency for the children 2.) To continue offering the bio parents the opportunity to start working on the requirements to get their children back. For some parents when the goal is changed it serves as a wake up call to really get at it, but for other parents they continue to not do what is asked and at this point the parental rights will end up being terminated. 

Darin and I would like to adopt our 4 boys if the parents continue to not be involved in the case plan. I want to explain something though. With older children, the feelings are very mixed on adoption. While we are extremely excited about the possibility of adopting them, there is a lot of grief in working with the boys through their own grief. It is a great loss for children when their parent's rights are terminated, and it is traumatic. No matter how great or loving the adoptive family may be, they are still losing something very precious to them. I say this because I want to ask our family, friends, and church family to be sensitive to this and not talk to the boys or in front of the boys about "Darin and Becky adopting them." If they bring it up on their own that's different, but I would ask for you to err on the side of caution and sensitivity. Remember that especially for the older two it will be difficult if their parent's rights are terminated, and the excitement that you and I feel may not match their own. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask us!

We have been so blessed by our four boys. They are amazing kids. While adopting 4 older boys was not in our plan when we started fostering, the possibility floors us in a good way! There are some kids that you just connect with better than others, that you could see being your forever family. That's how it has been with the boys. They love the outdoors, camping, swimming in the pond, sports, playing air soft, and video games. They are very musically inclined. Our 13 year old D is playing the tenor saxophone for the first time and his teacher asked him to go to contest with the more advanced band class! The boys are super smart and creative, Two are very expressive while the other two are a bit more reserved and quiet. They are the best brothers to Winston. They love to cook, they love going to bed listening to Adventures in Odyssey, and they are very thoughtful. I could go on, but I wanted to give you a picture especially if you have not yet met them. We've also been blessed in that the boys have amazing Grandparents, Great-Grandparents, and Aunts and Uncles who have been supportive this whole time and very invested in the boy's lives. 

Please keep the boys, their parents, and us in your prayers. Pray for God's will and His hand to move however He sees best in this situation. 

March 2016:

• I taught at my first Women's Retreat in Lincoln City, Oregon for Stayton Christian Church.
• Our foster son D turned 13 and Darin turned 30!
• H and H moved in with their new foster family. 
• The boy's case goal was moved to adoption.
• I went to see a specialist in Columbia and found out we may be struggling with infertility because of endometriosis. I will have a laprascopy April 20th where they will go in and look around and remove any endometriosis that they may find. 

So WHAT NOW for Fine Linen? 
Many of you were very generous in supporting the "More Than Us" album project last year! In fact, producing the album would not have happened without your support! I would like to ask you to pray and consider continuing to support Fine Linen through Prayer and Giving. While we are a "small" ministry at this point: "Clothing the Broken with God's Word" is our ultimate goal! Whether through song-writing and recording, leading worship for events, teaching at youth and women's events, producing children's books, or promoting the ministry of foster care and adoption through educational materials and special drives for foster families. I hope to continue using my creative abilities to promote the gospel in these areas! 

If you believe in the ministry of Fine Linen and would like it to continue would you consider supporting us monthly or through a one-time donation? 3 monthly partnerships of $10 would cover the yearly cost of the website, and 4 monthly partnerships of $20 would cover the cost of babysitting to be able to continue writing songs, blogging, and developing the ministry as God moves and works! You can click the link here to donate
/donate.html.
​
FLM's Specific Needs:

• Renewing www.finelinen.org through Weebly: $300 a year
• Hiring a babysitter 10 mornings a month to be able to write new blogs, keep up with the networking, promote the "More Than Us" album, continue developing materials whether new Christian songs for a future album or educational material for families considering foster care, or a line of C​hildren's books: $90 a month
• Applying for 501c3 status: $850 one time fee

​Optional but Helpful Needs

• Producing 300 T-shirts ($6 a shirt to produce) to sell and bring in continuing financial support for FLM: ($1800 for 300 T-shirts)
• A ministry laptop: $400-600 one time cost

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THE SHAVE DARIN CLEAN               CHALLENGE!

My husband, who has not been clean shaven in five years, has agreed to shave his beard, if EITHER of these two things happen before June 1st.
1. Have 20 people commit to supporting Fine Linen Ministries monthly whether $10 a month or $200 a month! You can do this on our donate page if you click here. /donate.html
2. Raise $2500 in one-time donations.